


1000 times 10

by writersneverdie



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Childhood Sweethearts, Growing Up Together, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 20:55:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1616807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writersneverdie/pseuds/writersneverdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Kane's start driving Ian back and forth from the arena when his mom gets a job. </p><p>Patrick’s mom has an uncanny ability to ask a constant barrage of questions, so Patrick learn a lot about Ian. He’s an only child. He moved to Buffalo because his dad's job transferred them here. He’s been a standout hockey player on all his teams in Jersey, but always played for his city’s team (never been recruited to play elsewhere, like Patrick is in the process of right now). He’s what society calls a “latch-key” kid, which explains the reluctance to talk and his air of independence. Further, Patrick thinks he might be one of the most interesting people he’s ever met. </p><p>Driving him back and forth from the rink quickly turns into feeding him dinner and having him stay over when they have weekend tournaments. His parents are always incredibly thankful to the Kane’s and his mom often brings them pies from the restaurant she works at when she comes to pick Ian up from a long weekend. Pat’s mom and Ian’s mom have even started regularly talking on the phone. After a few months, it’s as if Ian has become a part of his family, a long lost brother Patrick is glad isn’t actually his brother.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1000 times 10

**Author's Note:**

> This is a chronicle of the first 10 years of Patrick's relationship with his childhood sweetheart, Ian. Each section contains about 1000 words.

1: 

In what would turn out to be his last year playing at home in Buffalo, this new kid moves to town and joins Patrick’s team. His name is Ian and he’s a forward. During their first practice, he gives Patrick a run for his money during their line rushes and it’s a new experience for him. 

“You’re good,” Patrick says to him in the locker room as they are de-gearing. 

“So are you,” Ian says back, face expressionless. 

“Where’d you move from?” 

“Jersey,” Ian tells him. He has beat up equipment, so Patrick thinks he must not be from a nice part of Jersey. Might also explain why he would move to Buffalo, of all places, for a kid who is good at hockey. 

“Welcome to the team,” Patrick says throwing his brand new shoulder pads into his bag. If his mom saw how careless he is being with them, she’d yell at him in front of the whole team. “I look forward to beating you out for the first line center spot.” 

Ian doesn’t flinch, he doesn’t shrug his shoulders or drop his head. He just keeps eye contact as he unwraps the tape on his stick, allowing a small smile to slowly creep it’s way onto his lips. It’s Patrick who looks away first. He hears his dad’s voice outside the door calling for him to hurry up.  
_____

Patrick wins the spot, fair and square. Ian graciously takes the 2nd line spot without a hint of disappointment. In fact, when coach writes up the lines before the first game of the season, Ian walks over to Patrick, taps him on the ass, and says, “Way to go, man.” 

“Thanks,” Patrick says looking up to Ian, who is at least 4 inches taller than him. “You gave me a run for my money, though.” 

Ian hits him on the shoulder, letting his hand linger on Pat’s shoulder. He doesn’t say anything, which isn’t unusual behavior for him. Ian is a man of few words. His dad thinks it’s because he’s the new kid in town. His mom says maybe that’s who he is and his sisters say you don’t need to say much when you look like Joshua Jackson. Not that the Kane family has discussed Ian McNealy on their way to and from the arena. 

Ian pulls his hand away when coach enters the room spitting into the trash next to the door and saying in a raspy voice, “Today we start the perfect season, boys. Don’t prove me wrong.” 

Patrick rolls his eyes because it’s classic Coach shit. When he looks over to Ian, who’s not used to it, he looks locked into a zone looking like he’ll do whatever he can to make sure he proves Coach right.  
_____

The Kane's start driving Ian back and forth from the arena when his mom gets a job. 

Patrick’s mom has an uncanny ability to ask a constant barrage of questions, so Patrick learn a lot about Ian. He’s an only child. He moved to Buffalo because his dad's job transferred them here. He’s been a standout hockey player on all his teams in Jersey, but always played for his city’s team (never been recruited to play elsewhere, like Patrick is in the process of right now). He’s what society calls a “latch-key” kid, which explains the reluctance to talk and his air of independence. Further, Patrick thinks he might be one of the most interesting people he’s ever met. 

Driving him back and forth from the rink quickly turns into feeding him dinner and having him stay over when they have weekend tournaments. His parents are always incredibly thankful to the Kane’s and his mom often brings them pies from the restaurant she works at when she comes to pick Ian up from a long weekend. Pat’s mom and Ian’s mom have even started regularly talking on the phone. After a few months, it’s as if Ian has become a part of his family, a long lost brother Patrick is glad isn’t actually his brother. 

The season starts winding down when Pat’s dad tells him he cannot pass up the opportunity to play for the US Development team in Michigan. Patrick calls the coach for the team and tells him there’s another player on his team they need to consider. They fly someone out to scout him. Ian scores a hat-trick (with two power play goals assisted by Patrick) and the scout gives Patrick a nod of approval when he sees him talking to his dad after the game. 

Him and Ian haven’t talked about Michigan, even though Patrick knows Ian knows he’s going to leave. They get along too well, spend too much time together playing video games, beating his sisters at Monopoly, even letting them rope him and Ian into dance competitions in the driveway every once in awhile, to broach the subject of this not continuing to happen. It’s like the two of them know it would be too upsetting to talk about. They both understand their rapid ascent into being best friends could just as quickly devolve into wreckage once they talk about their impending separation.  
_____

So, when the coach from the team in Michigan calls him and tells him he’s doesn’t think they have room for Ian on the team this year, Patrick doesn’t even hesitate when he says, “I’m not coming without him.” 

“But, Patrick,” the coach says, “You should talk to your parents about this.” 

“Seriously,” Patrick tells him, a rush of emotion running through his body. “I’m not coming unless he’s on the team. I don’t care what my parents say.”

Patrick gets nothing but silence in response. 

“Okay,” the Coach finally says, obvious annoyance in his voice, “I’ll get him on the team.” 

Patrick fist pumps in the open air of his bedroom, the angry heat in his body cooling down. “See you in a few months, Coach,” he says before hanging up the phone.  
_____

2:

The house Ian gets placed is in across the street from Patrick’s.

At the end of the tour, Mr. Verbeek leaves Patrick to unpack in his new room. Before he leaves, he stops in the doorway to say, “Make sure you tell Ian he is always welcome for dinner. It’s nice to have a familiar face when you’re far away from your family.”

Pat smiles because he knows this is going to be tough, he can already feel it in his bones. He manages to put a smile on his face even though it already feels like a foreign thing to do because he doesn’t know how to smile when this is his home, without his mom or his sisters or his dad or his dog. “Thanks,” he says. 

At least he has Ian. Thank god he has Ian.  
_____

He gets the second line center spot, even though he's arguably better than they guy who took the first line spot-but he's the captain which gives him seniority over Patrick. Ian gets gingerly placed on the fourth line. This is his first experiment playing with a group of super elite hockey players and it's eye opening, to say the least. 

"You'll work your way up," Patrick tells him the night before their first game. They are sitting in the basement at the Verbeek's watching MTV. 

"Probably not," Ian says dismissively. 

"Come on, Ian, you're just as good as the other guys on the third and fourth lines." When he says it, he means it as a compliment, but after the face Ian makes he realizes it could be construed differently. 

He puts a hand on Ian's leg and says, "I didn't mean to say you aren't as good as me, okay? Or the other first and second lineys because you are." 

Ian shrugs his shoulders, leans into him a little bit, "But I'm not."

"You are," Pat reiterates. Ian’s at the disadvantage. Pat's been to camps and private lessons. He's had scouts watching him since he was 12. Ian's only ever played on teams with the other kids in his neighborhood. 

"It's okay, man," Ian says looking over to Pat with his stupid attractive sad eyes. 

"You are, though," he says again. He hopes Ian starts to believe it.  
_____

The team has a standing pizza party at a local chain every Sunday afternoon. One Sunday, a month into the season, Patrick and a few of the other guys make their way to the arcade to try to beat their high score on The Simpsons game. But instead of an empty room, with maybe a kid or two milling around the driving games, the room is filled with a bunch of girls. 

Jimmy, the loud one, strikes up a conversation with the girls and quickly learns they are a Varsity volleyball team from Iowa. They had a tournament here this weekend. Most of them are seniors in high school, which makes them at least 2, if not 3 years older than them. And, they are wearing extremely small shorts. Patrick doesn’t even know what he’s supposed to feel seeing all these tall, attractive girls and their fucking legs right there in his face. So, he goes back to the table after failing to think of even one thing to say. 

Ian is sitting at the table, peering up at the TV in the corner of the restaurant. Pat knows he’s waiting on another envelope of money from his parents.

“Hey,” Pat says taking his seat next to him. 

Ian glances over at him quickly before returning his attention back to the basketball game playing on the TV. “Did you get the high score?” 

“Didn’t get the chance, girls volleyball team took over the arcade,” Patrick says. He focuses his attention on Ian’s reaction.

“Oh?” Ian says in a way which Patrick thinks shows a lot of disinterest. 

“Yea, some varsity team from Iowa is in there with their fucking legs out and all the guys are almost literally drooling, trying to get their phone numbers.” 

Ian looks away from the TV and makes eye contact with Pat, “So why aren’t you in there?” 

“I came to get you,” Patrick says shrugging his shoulders up. 

Ian looks back at the TV and pauses before saying anything. Finally, after 30 seconds, he responds. “I think I’ll stay here, but you go ahead, good luck with getting a number.” 

“Nah,” Patrick says, “What’s the point of getting a girl from Iowa’s number anyway?” 

Ian looks back over at him with a smile on his face which Patrick could interpret eight different ways.  
_____

Patrick starts feeling the homesickness for Buffalo after he hits the 4 month mark away from home. The team isn’t doing so well and coach has been yelling at them constantly. It sucks. He wants to go home. 

The family Ian is staying with has to go out of town for their daughters dance competition, so the Verbeek’s let him stay. He moves into Patrick’s room for the weekend and it’s helps a little bit because it’s like they are back in Buffalo, staying up late playing video games and joking around long after they were supposed to go to sleep. 

Right before they have settled down and are laying side by side in Patrick’s bed ready to fall asleep, Patrick quietly says, “I kind of want to go back home.” 

“Why?” Ian says in a whisper back to him. 

“I miss it. My family.” 

Ian shifts to face him and Patrick does the same. “Me too,” Ian admits. He brings his arm out to place on Patrick’s shoulder and swipes his thumb up and down over Patrick’s skin. It gives him goosebumps. “At least we have each other,” Ian says, barely audible. 

Pat shifts so his body is even closer to Ian’s. They are closer than they’ve ever been while they’ve slept in a bed together. “Yea,” Patrick whispers. He closes his eyes and he feels like he’s back home.  
_____

3:

He’s at home for his 15th birthday. His mom makes his favorite dinner, his sisters team together to make his cake and his dad sets the table with a place for Ian. 

After the dinner, blowing out his candles and opening all the presents, his sisters all run away from the dining room and up the stairs. 

“I’ve got one more thing for you,” Ian says before Patrick can ask where they are all going. 

“What?” Pat says because he told Ian not to get him anything. 

“Wait,” Ian says. Not more than 15 seconds later his sisters come running back with new outfits on. They are wearing sparkly tank tops and spandex shorts. 

Ian runs overs to the stereo system in their living room and joins his sisters at the front of the V formation they’ve made. The Beatles’ birthday song starts playing and they all start dancing. In unison, with choreography. 

He can hear his mom clapping along with the beat, he can hear his dad laughing and he doesn’t know what to do but smile and stare in awe. They point at him every time the song says “your” and blow up fake fireworks with their fingers on “birthday.” Ian is good, too. He shimmies his shoulder with some rhythm and his steps are in time with his sisters who have taken dance lessons for years. 

They keep eye contact, he and Ian, for the entire performance. When it ends, with all of them on their knees pointing jazz fingers in Patrick’s direction, he jumps up off his chair, his parents clapping and whooping, gives his sister each short hugs saying a quick thanks and then envelopes Ian in a huge hug. The biggest they’ve ever had without pads on. 

“Didn’t know you danced,” Patrick says in his ear.

“Your sisters put me through boot camp,” Ian says. They pull away and realize his family is all staring at them. 

“Thanks guys,” Patrick says stepping further away from Ian. “This was the best birthday ever.”  
_____

His second season in Michigan starts easier. He makes first line, he feels at home at the Verbeek’s, and school is school. Ian makes third line, but he gets moved to a house a few neighborhoods over from Pat’s. The family he is staying with his nice, it’s one of their teammates, but Ian and Chad are not the best of friends. 

“Do you guys hang out even?” Pat asks one Sunday at the pizza place. Ian hasn’t joined them in the arcade all season. 

“We play video games sometimes,” Ian tells him. 

“He’s fucking annoying when he plays games, though.” He’s fucking loud and rubs it in when he beats you with shitty comments. A lot of them include calling whoever he’s playing against some variation of a girl.  


“Yea, you could say that again.” Ian told him once that Chad had called him a “huge fucking faggot” after he beat him at MarioKart three times in a row and Ian had never wanted to punch someone so much in his life. Patrick wanted to fucking punch him, too, after hearing it. 

“Want me to ask if you can come over to my place for the weekend?” He needs to get Ian away from that monster for at least the weekend. 

He shrugs his shoulders up, “If you want.” 

“I will,” Pat says. “You’re coming home with us today no matter what they say.”  
_____

Being on the first line is great, but he and his linemates don’t click right off the bat. And no matter how hard he petitions the coach to have Ian up on his line, he never does it. Ian stays on the third line, getting less playing time than he deserves, and then he has to go home and live with fucking Chad. 

Ian stops coming over to his house, stops taking the invites, stops joking around with him after the games. 

Ian becomes a shell of himself halfway through the season and Patrick can’t help but think it’s all his fault.  
_____

“If you want to go home, it’s okay, Ian. I’m serious.” 

“No, I’m not going home.” 

“Would you move in with me if Mr. Verbeek says it’s okay, at least?” 

“I’m fine, Patrick. Seriously.”  
_____

The season finally ends and they are on a flight back to Buffalo for the summer. They didn’t get to sit next to each other, but it feels good to Patrick to know Ian is on this flight, too. That he is going back home, too. 

Their families are waiting for them at the gate. Ian’s mom starts crying the moment she sees them. Patrick can’t stop looking at Ian and his mom hugging as he makes his way to each of his family members. 

As they all wait for their luggage, his sisters try to get him to play tag around the conveyor belt, but Patrick doesn’t because he’s too busy watching Ian with his parents.  


They both get their bags, suitcases and hockey gear, and before they walk out the door to go their separate ways, Ian says, “Pat, hold up.” 

Patrick walks over to him, “What’s up?” 

“Here,” Ian says handing him a folded up airline napkin. “Don’t look at it until you get home, okay?” 

Pat looks at it then back up at Ian. “Okay,” he says, “I won’t.” He puts it in his pocket. “See you soon, yea?” 

“Yea,” Ian assures him. “Not until you’re home,” he repeats walking outside to catch up with his parents.  
_____

He almost forgets about it. He’s back in his room when he puts his hand in his pocket and feels it there. Balled up from the game of knee hockey he and the girls played. 

He opens it up slowly. Written across the Delta Airlines drink napkin in Ian’s tiny handwriting is a simple sentence which makes Patrick heart speed up and his stomach drop. 

‘Patrick-sometimes I think I want to kiss you. Ian’  
_____

4:

They leave for Michigan immediately after his 16th birthday, driver’s license fresh in his wallet, alongside the faithful napkin. The fact that Ian had the guts to even hand it to him, let alone actually write it down will be something Patrick will always admire about him. At 16, he already knows Ian is going to be the strongest person he ever meets in his life.

He squeezes the hand Ian put on his thigh underneath his tray table. They’ve always been in this together, but now they are together in a different way and it makes the trip west the easiest one yet.  
_____

Ian is placed in yet another different place, but this time it is within walking distance of the Verbeek’s. It’s with an older couple whose kids are across country. They are lifelong hockey fans who have hosted before Ian, and they might be the two nicest people Patrick’s ever met. Mrs. Malone always, as in always, has a plate of fresh cookies on the kitchen table. 

“I think she might actually be a witch,” Ian says one night as they are hanging out in the basement at the Malone’s. “I never see her actually making the cookies, but, boom, they are always there.” 

“She does have the big mole on the right side of her face,” Patrick says playing with Ian’s fingers contently. 

“And there are at least 4 brooms in the closet.” 

They both laugh a little and then settle back into each other on the couch. Hanging at the Malone’s is a lot easier than being over at the Verbeek’s. Sometime last year Mr. Verbeek started hanging around, or checking in, every time him and Ian were ever alone together. And, with their new found penchant for making out, that doesn’t flow with their plans. 

They're teenage boys who have figured out that giving each other handjobs is WAY better than doing it yourself. 

“Hey,” Ian says right before Patrick is due back at the Verbeek’s to make his curfew. 

“Yea?” 

“Do you ever think about what’s going to happen next? After the hockey season is over?” He says it with a hint of sadness in his voice, like he knows this, what is happening right now, is an incredibly temporary thing. 

“Sometimes,” Patrick says choosing not to elaborate because he doesn’t want to think about it. 

“I’m not going to be drafted, but you are, you know that, right?” 

Patrick knows, the OHL teams have been calling his house “incessantly” as his mom says, since the season started. 

“You don’t know that,” Pat says because he thinks Ian does have a chance of being drafted. He switched to wing and is playing alongside him on the first line this year. He’s good. 

“I kind of do.” He’s sure, Pat can tell. 

“How do you know?” 

“My parents haven’t got one call, Patrick, how many have yours got?” 

He kind of has him there, but that doesn’t mean he’s not good enough. Maybe these teams just need a little convincing. 

“Let me ask Pat, he’ll know what to do.” Mr. Verbeek has all the connections, he can get Ian drafted. 

“No man, come on,” Ian says pulling away from him on the couch. He pulls his hand out of Patrick’s grip, removes his leg from it’s position on top of his. 

“But you’re good enough, Ian, for real you are, you are just as good as any of the other guys on our team, you deserve to be drafted,” he says, voice strong. 

“Look, Patrick, I know you got me on the Honeybaked, okay? You don’t need to get me on another team. I’ve been looking into my other options.” He’s standing up now, between the TV and Patrick. 

“What? How? What?” Pat says because he’s never told anyone about his demand to have Ian on the team 3 years ago. Not his mom, his dad, anyone. 

“Coach told me,” Ian says. “Our first year, he took me aside when a turnover I gave up turned into a goal for the other team. He fucking told me that the only reason I was on the team was because you said you wouldn’t play for them unless I was.” 

He walks away, paces to the other side of the basement and grabs a Gatorade out of the fridge. He doesn’t get one for Patrick. 

Finally after Ian sits back down on the other side of the couch, as far away from Patrick as he can be, he says, “I’ve been talking with this boarding school in Ann Arbor, they’ll give me a full scholarship to play there next year for my senior year. They have a hockey team that I’ll play on and they will help me get into college.” 

Patrick can’t believe, at first, Ian has done all this without talking to him. He didn’t tell him anything. They’ve been fucking inseparable all summer. 

He can’t think of anything to say in response. What he comes with is, “Why?” 

Ian moves closer to him then, retakes his hand. “Look, you’re going to the NHL, okay? But, I’m not. That’s okay, okay?” 

Patrick lays his head on Ian’s shoulder, “How do you know that?” 

“That you are going to the NHL or that I’m not?” 

“Both,” Patrick says sadly. Because his biggest dream is to make it to the NHL, but he’s only 16, it’s not sure yet. 

“Because I do.” Ian says simply and Patrick actually, reluctantly, believes him. “You know what team plays in Ann Arbor?” 

Patrick thinks about it for a second and comes up empty. “No. What?”

“The U.S. Development team,” Ian says with a small smile on his face. 

Patrick is so fucking impressed with Ian he could kiss his face off. It takes him a few moments, but he remembers he can. 

“I’m going to kiss you now,” he says to Ian. And then he does it, full of youthful fervor.  
_____

5:

Patrick’s dad gives him a car from his dealership and it makes him feel like he’s fucking arrived. It’s not even that nice, but it doesn’t matter. He gets to bring a car to Ann Arbor where he’s going to drive to his boyfriend’s dorm room in the middle of the night for secret rendezvous and it’s going to be fucking awesome.  
_____

Ian had to go a couple months before him because he had to start school. Pat doesn’t even remember what real school is like. 

But, driving up to Ian’s fancy school (which is obviously his first stop once me makes it to Ann Arbor and ditches his parents) he second guesses his choice, because this place is out of the movies. 

Ian meets up in the parking lot and their reunion is everything Patrick hoped. They’ve never gone this long without seeing each other since they met at 13. They make out in the back seat of his car because he’s been dying to ever since he got the keys in his hand. And being back with Ian makes him feel better and brighter.  
_____

He makes it to a majority of Ian’s home games, he only misses the ones when the team is travelling, and it’s weird, at first, to not be playing with him. But, Ian is first line center (which he never was when he was on a team with Patrick) and he’s fucking good at it. 

Sometimes he’ll take a few of his teammates with him, but once they start asking too many questions about him and Ian, he stops. 

It’s better without them, anyway, because he and Ian have graduated to blowjobs. Which absolutely blows Patrick’s mind. It took a lot of restraint not to blurt out to his host brother after the first time because he felt like he had to tell someone. That’s how amazing it was. 

So, now, after games they go back to Ian’s single dorm room and romp around in his bed and it’s the absolute best time.  
_____

Back in Buffalo, for spring break, they continue their romps in Ian’s bed at his house because his parents are never home. A lot of the time they go to Ian’s house to have sex, then go back to Patrick’s to hang with his family. It’s kind of perfect. 

Near the end of break, they’re in Patrick’s bed because his sisters are back in school, his parents back at work, but him and Ian have three more days before they have to go back to Ann Arbor. 

“I think I’ve decided,” Ian says to him. His head is on top of Ian’s naked chest, listening to his heart beat, feeling his lungs fill up with air. 

“Decided what?” Pat’s brain isn’t in the mood to read between the lines. 

“College,” Ian tells him. 

They haven’t talked about it too much because Ian hasn’t been drafted by any leagues, but has been recruited to play college hockey. 

“Is it whatever school is in London, Ontario?”

“No,” Ian says, quieter than before. Pat doesn’t say anything, he just waits for Ian to tell him, to break it to him. 

“I’ve taken a full scholarship to the University of Wisconsin to play hockey.” 

Patrick tries his best to think about geography, about where London, Ontario (not too far from Michigan) and where Wisconsin is (next to Michigan) and then says, “Okay. Okay. Congratulations, for real, you deserve it.” 

“It’s approximately 550 miles away from where you will be,” Ian tells him with a hand in his hair. 

“That’s 550 miles more than we’ve ever been away from each other,” Patrick says quietly, pretending he’s not being a big baby right now. 

“I know,” Ian says. He’s also worried about it, Pat can tell. He’s always been the more overtly sentimental one, but he knows Ian is, too. “But, we can do it.” 

“We can?” Pat isn’t questioning Ian’s devotion, he’s scared of himself, of how he’s going to react during their separation. 

“We’re going to spend one year apart, then you’re going to get drafted by the Minnesota Wild or the Chicago Blackhawks, and then we’ll be close to each other again.” He says it like he’s 100 percent sure, like there is not 30 teams in the NHL. 

“Yea?” Pat says because he wants to believe him. 

“Yea, and you know who the Blackhawks just drafted, right?” He’s rubbing his hand up and down Pat’s rib cage which is one of his favorite feelings ever. The brush of Ian’s fingertips across his skin is something he thinks about when he’s trying to fall asleep at night when they aren’t together. 

“Jonny Toews,” Pat says, remembering their conversations about him after he got back from World Juniors. Pat made Ian watch the video of his shootout goals, talking about how good the kid is, how cool it would be to play with him. 

“You and Jonny Toews in Chicago, I can see it now,” Ian tells him. “I’ll drive over from Madison to watch your games, it’ll be awesome.” 

“You’ve got it all figured out, eh?” Pat is buying up whatever Ian’s saying right now because it sounds like an absolute dream scenario, one he wouldn’t mind. 

“Yea, I do,” Ian says, smiling when Pat lifts his head and looks him in the eye. 

“Maybe I’ll survive the 550 miles if everything works out that way,” Pat says, leaning down to kiss him. 

“We’ll survive,” Ian says in between kisses. 

Later, when Pat is back in his bed at home, alone, he can’t help but think about how slim the chances of what Ian said happening. About how 550 miles is too big, about how he doesn’t know if he can do it because him and Ian has always been about being close to each other. About being there when their family wasn’t, about being one anothers home away from home. He’s not sure he’s ready for everything to be different.  
_____

6:  
At the end of summer they go to a cabin with a group of their former teammates for a long weekend. 

Everyone else is at the fire, roasting marshmallows and swapping stories, but he and Ian are out on the dock. The sun is setting over the far side of the lake, turning the water a thousand different colors. 

“We’re lucky, ya know,” Patrick says into the space above him. Ian is next to him, their shoulders touching, sticky with layers of sunscreen and lake water. 

“Lucky how?” Ian says back, words travelling through the starry sky over to Patrick. 

“Because we’re young and in love,” Pat says. One of their teammates keeps playing this CD by this band as all of them yell out the lyrics, these are obviously Patrick’s favorite. 

“And everyone is just jealous?” Ian says, turning his head. Patrick turns his head to look at Ian’s smiling face. It’s tinted red and green and blue and gray. It’s probably the best face Patrick’s ever seen. 

“Yea,” he says. And they turn their heads back to look at the the sunset. 

“Do you ever think,” Ian starts. He pauses because the sun is almost set, past the mirror of the lake. Once it’s gone, they are blanketed in darkness. “Do you ever think that we are too young?” 

Pat closes his eyes even though he knows he should keep them open so they can adjust to the darkness. “Too young for what?” 

“I mean, we’ve been together for what? 3 years? 5, if you count the time since we went to Michigan,” Ian says with a sadness in his voice. 

“Yea, but, that’s why we’re lucky,” Pat tells him, trying to convey his happiness so Ian will take note. 

“Yea, but, what if it’s too early? What if it’s all messed up because it came too soon?” 

“I’m worried about it, too.” He reaches out to find Ian’s hand and grabs it. “I’m worried about how I’m going to be able to handle the distance, but not that we aren’t supposed to be together.” 

Ian shifts onto his side, so he is facing Patrick, “I know we’re supposed to be together, Pat, I just worry sometimes that we found each other too soon.” 

Pat shifts to match Ian, to be face to face with him, “Come on, E, we’re lucky, okay?”

Ian places his forehead against his, “Okay.”  
_____

Pat gets drunk for the first time at a house party in London, Ontario with all his new teammates around him. None of them can believe this is his first time. 

“You’ve lived away from home since you were like 14,” Sam yells at him. “How is this your first time?” 

“I don’t know, man, I just played hockey,” Pat yells back. He’s had three wine coolers and one nasty, nasty beer. 

“I believe that,” Sam says tipping the drink he has in his hand in Patrick’s direction. “You’re the best fucking player I’ve ever seen.” 

“Thanks, man,” Pat says, he think he might be slurring his words. He doesn’t know, all he knows is it is quieting his longing for Ian a tiny little bit, so at least that is a win. 

“BOYS,” Sam yells all of a sudden, “This here is this years number one NHL draft pick right here.” Pat starts to protest because he doesn’t know, it hasn’t happened yet, he’s just a prospect. “No, Patty, it’s true, you will be, I know it.” 

A few people whoop in the background.  
______

The 3rd time he gets drunk he calls Ian. 

“Pat?” Ian says, rushed, worried, voice full of sleep. 

“Ian! Babe!” He’s yelling. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Yea, of course! Are you sleeping?” 

“Uh, I was,” Ian says. Pat hears a door close in the background. “Are you drunk?” 

“No!” Pat says, then giggles, “Okay, guilty, why aren’t you, it’s Friday night and you’re in COLLEGE.” 

“I had a game tonight,” Ian says, annoyed because they definitely texted about this all day.  


“You won, too!” 

“Yea, we’ve already had this conversation.” 

“Ian,” Pat says, not yelling anymore, because what he has to say right now is important. “Ian, I miss you, man. I miss you so much.” 

“I miss you, too,” Ian says. Pat knows he means it, but he doesn’t sound like he means it right now. 

“Guess what my dad and agent are making me do?” Pat says, suddenly mad. 

“What?” 

“They’re coaching me on how to pretend we aren’t together when I do my interviews with NHL teams.” He starts laughing, because it’s fucking hilarious. “They are making me fucking PRACTICE.” 

He can’t stop laughing once he says it.  
_____

In his first interview the question doesn’t come until near the end. 

And, he’s got his answer ready, part of it what he is coached to say, part of it just comes out. 

“Ian McNealy? Oh, he’s my best friend, hands down. We went to Michigan together. Yes, I mean, I made sure he came with me to Michigan because I knew I would need a familiar face to help me get through it. I am very close with my family, and being away from them was not going to be easy for me, so I did what I could to make it better, and Ian and I have been best friends ever since. I wouldn’t be here, with you guys today, if it weren’t for him. He’s a once in a lifetime kind of friend, ya know? He’ll be there forever.” Then after a pause where all four men in suits are just staring at him, he finishes with, “Go Badgers.”

And they all laugh. Patrick’s is more of a sigh of relief.  
_____

When he gets drafted Number 1 by the Chicago Blackhawks, Ian’s in the deck above, but Pat feels like he’s right beside him. Ian was fucking right, and he’s never been happier in his entire life. His family’s here, Ian’s here. It’s perfect.  
_____

7:

‘I went shopping with Jonny today, 14 girls gave me their phone number’

He texts to Ian even though he’s at practice. After practice, he's jumping in the car Patrick bought him and driving down to Chicago because he has the weekend off. It’s his first time visiting. Patrick’s beyond stoked. 

“How many of those girls you gonna call,” Jonny asks on their way back to the UC. 

“Ah, zero,” Pat responds. “I was just going to give them all to you, you for sure need the help. How many did you get? 4?” 

Jonny pushes him, “I got 6.” 

"Well, now you have 20. Hard to strike out with those odds." He looks at Jonny with a challenge on his face, seeing if he will ask why.

It's a mistake, on his part, because the first thing Patrick learned about Jonny is he never steps down from a challenge. 

"You got someone back home?" Jonny asks, not breaking eye contact. 

"Not exactly," Pat says. He quickly decides he’s not going to lie, not to Jonny. He needs someone to trust here and the whole fucking hockey universe is telling him it's Jonathan Toews. 

"But you've got someone?" Pat nods his head yes. "Who and where is she?" 

Pat takes a deep breath, "Not a she." 

It takes him a moment to register what Pat said but when he does, he stops walking, right in the middle of the sidewalk, making people weave around his monstrous ass. "Wait, Pat, are you saying?" 

Pat waits to see if Jonny will finish, but when he doesn't, he says, "You remember Ian McNealy from that one tournament we played against each other when we were like 14?"

"Uh," Jonny says. They've started walking again. "Uh, yea, yea." 

"We've been together since we were like 14-15 years old." They haven’t decided on an official date yet. 

"You've had a, a,” he stumbles, looks at Patrick awkwardly, “boyfriend since you were 14?" Jonny finishes voice quiet because they are on a crowded street. 

"Yup, same one since we moved to Michigan," Pat says proudly. This is an achievement he never gets to brag about. 

"Wow, eh," is all Jonny has to say. Pat can tell he's stunned. He doesn't blame him. 

Once they get to the United Center, Jonny stops him before they get inside, "Does anyone know? With the Hawks?" 

The genuine care and concern in Jonny's eyes is fucking endearing. "No," Pat says with a small smile. "My parents, my agent and you. That's it."

"Huh," Jonny says opening the door for them. "Well alright."  
_____

After a lot of begging and pleading and texts that read ‘you’re my new best friend and you know it jt, you have to meet him’ and ‘i can’t talk to anyone else about this dude’ and ‘he’s just a college hockey player like you are’ and then finally ‘it’s important to me, jonathan, okay? we’re already agreed we are in this together here in Chi-town to bring hockey back. we’re going to do it together, and i can’t do it without him,’ Jonny agrees to hang out with him and Ian. 

Pat knows Jonny doesn’t think they are, like, diseased, but he’s never hung out with dudes he knew were gay. And, he knows Jonny likes to do the right thing. He doesn’t want to mess it up, say the wrong thing, sit too far away or too close, accidentally make an inappropriate joke. But, Pat’s determined to make him comfortable with being around them. 

“He’s coming here,” Pat tells Ian. Pat booked them a room so they could be alone. Thankfully, he didn’t get too many questions from Mr. Bowman.

“Cool,” Ian says. Pat can tells he’s nervous. He’s paging through a Sports Illustrated magazine-fast. 

Jonny shows up 15 minutes later. He knocks on the door with authority. Patrick rolls his eyes, “That’s Jon, for sure.” 

He answers with Ian behind him, who has a few inches on him, so the first person he makes eye contact with is Ian. “Uh, hi,” he says unspectacularly. 

“Jonathan, this is Ian, Ian, Jonathan,” Pat says leaning away so they can shake hands. 

“We’ve met before,” Jonny says, “But it’s nice to see you, man.” 

“You too,” Ian tells him. Pat leads them out of the corridor before it gets any more awkward.

Ian sits down in one of the chairs by the window, and Pat plops down on the bed. Jonny stands in front of the bed looking at the rustled sheets, and Pat’s knows he's thinking about whether or not they had sex on it last night. He can sense it. 

He stays standing. 

“So, you play at Wisconsin?” Jonny says looking at Ian, who has the SI magazine in his hands again. 

“Yea,” Ian says quickly looking to Pat, then back to Jon. 

“I remember Mr. Eaves back from my Shattuck days,” Jon says leaning against the dresser. 

“Coach Eaves is great, one of the best coaches I’ve had.”

Pat decides to stay quiet and let them talk. 

“You played at UND, right?” 

“Yea,” Jonny says, fondly. 

“We already beat you this year,” Ian says with a smile playing on his face. 

“It’s because I’m not on the team,” Jonathan says, matter of fact. Because, Pat and Ian know, it is an actual matter of fact. 

“If it weren’t for Minnesota, we’d be on top of the WCHA,” Ian says getting up from the chair and joining Pat on the bed. 

“They’ll choke in the end,” Jon says, looking away. He puts his hands in his pockets before looking back. “They always do.” 

“Yea,” Ian says moving closer, “Fuck them. They didn’t even try to recruit me.” 

“You’re not from Minnesota,” Jon says, matter of fact. Pat smiles now, impressed with both of them. 

“True,” Ian says. “So, I’ll repeat, fuck them.” 

“Agreed,” Jonny says, small smile trying to break itself onto his face. 

“A, fucking, greed,” Pat chimes in.  
_____

8:

Ian’s grandma dies at the beginning of August and he goes back to Jersey for a week before returning to Wisconsin. And after a great summer with their old hockey buddies, his sisters and Ian, it hits Patrick hard that they’re going to be separated again. Ian’s classes are getting more intense, his role on the team more important, so his time to come to Chicago is going to decrease like it did at the end of the season last year. And, he keeps talking about taking some fucking internship in Boston when he graduates and it literally makes Patrick’s stomach hurt. 

When his cousin invites him out to the bar, he immediately accepts. He’d just gotten off the phone with Ian, who was absolutely wrecked, and he needed a pick me up. Or rather, something to take his mind off of it. 

After a long, twisted, cloudy (in his brain, not the sky) night, he gets his phone back from a woman with a permanent scowl on her face. He text messages Ian ‘sorry’ 15 times in a row before he passes out in his bed which smells of Ian.  
_____

His first instinct upon waking up is to call Jonny. Because he kind of royally screwed up and the Blackhawks will be none too happy. Jonny will know the right thing to say. To make him feel both good and bad about what he did. 

But, that might just be because he can’t stomach what Ian is going to say to him. Because he somehow made Ian’s grandma dying his sob story. If he looks back through their text message from the night before, the evidence is all there. 

When he gets to the kitchen for a glass of water, Jackie is there making a smoothie. She looks at Patrick with a look only one of his sisters could give him. 

“I told Ian what an idiot you are,” she says in lieu of a good morning. 

“You talked to him?” The mention of his name makes his body ache.

“He called me when he got all your text messages, worried out of his mind,” she’s talking to Patrick in the exact same tone his mom does when she’s angry. “And when I told him what you did, he couldn’t believe it, he,” 

“He called you?” Pat says, late, because his brain is having trouble keeping up. 

“Yea,” she says shaking her head, “And he’s a fucking wreck, Pat, his dad hasn’t come back for two days and him and his mom and aunt have had to plan the funeral without him and then your idiot self gets arrested. Way to go.” 

Pat knew about Ian’s dad taking off because he couldn’t deal with his mom’s death, but he’d kind of forgotten. 

“I’m an asshole,” Pat says. 

Jackie walks over to him and puts an arm around his shoulder, “Since you’ve already bought him a car, you might want to try a house for this.”

He puts his head on her shoulder, closes his eyes and takes a deep breath.  
_____

He doesn’t answer the first time he calls. So he leaves a message. 

“Ian. Uh, hey. I just. I’m an idiot. I just, I miss you and I just wanted to forget for a little bit about how hard this year is going to be with us not being able to see each other after having such a great summer and then. Wait, wait, I need to stop, I’m saying everything wrong.” 

He hangs up. 

A few minutes later he realizes he should have deleted the message and started over because he said everything wrong. 

He calls again, no answer again. 

“Ian. Ian, I’m so sorry about your grandma and your dad and having to deal with all this stress. I’m sorry I’m not there with you to help. I should have come with you. Why didn’t I come with you? If I wasn’t such a fucking screw up I would have come with you because I love you and I’m not there and you’re going through the worst time and I go out and get arrested because I’m an idiot. I just. I’m so sorry. Call me, okay? I love you.” 

Two hours later he gets a text message from him that says ‘I’m going to need some time. I’ll call you when I’m ready.’ 

Pat thinks he might literally feel his heart splitting in two. This has been the most dramatic 24 hours of his life.  
_____  
“He’ll call,” Jonny says to him. They’ve already been through the speech about responsibility and having the right people around you. Jonny told him his past isn’t perfect either and he’ll recover because he knows Pat’s not a bad guy. 

“How do you know?” Pat whines, literally whines to him. 

“What’s the longest you two have gone without talking to each other since you started dating?” The sound of Jonny’s voice is the only thing that has made him feel better today. 

“Two days?” They usually try to, at the very least, do a good night call. 

“You haven’t gone, what, 6 years without talking for more than two days? He’ll call, Kaner. Trust me.” 

“Okay, Tazer,” Pat sighs, “Okay.”  
_____

Pat sends three bouquets of flowers to Ian’s aunt’s house in Jersey. One for him, one for his mom, and one for his grandma. 

A few hours later, he gets a text that says ‘my mom says thanks for the flowers.’

When Pat tries to engage him back, he doesn’t respond.  
_____

After 4 days, 4 of the longest days Pat can remember, Ian calls. 

“I love you, Patrick,” Ian says after they both cried it out. Ian told him about his grandma, his dad, his mom, all the shitty things he’s had to go through. And Patrick cried because of the hurt in his voice, the hurt he knows he added to, “Sometimes you act kind of douchey, but I love you.”  
_____

9:

Ian gets a full week off for Christmas, with no homework, no practice, nothing. They travel together back to Buffalo. On Christmas, their families have dinner together. It’s exactly what he needs before the Olympics. 

On Christmas morning, Ian and his sisters perform a dance routine to an N’Sync Christmas song and Pat might cry a little bit when it’s over. 

“I don’t deserve you,” he says to Ian, back in their house (Patrick insists it’s theirs when Ian starts to argue that Patrick bought it so it’s his) in Buffalo. 

“Shut up,” Ian says kissing him. They plan on spending as much time as possible in bed on their last day together.

“It’s true,” Pat repeats, a little breathless. 

“I don’t deserve you,” Ian says, big brown eyes inches away from Pat’s. 

“Now that is not true.” Pat dips his head to place a few butterfly kisses on Ian’s cheek. 

“We deserve each other,” Ian whispers. 

“A gold medal has nothing on you,” Pat whispers back.  
_____

Jonny knows the right thing to say, he always does (Pat would never tell him that), so sharing a cab with him in Vancouver is one of his better decisions during the Olympics. 

“I saw that Ian got a hat trick last night,” Jonny says looking out the cab window. 

A smile engulfs Patrick’s face, “That’s my fucking boy.” 

Jonny smiles, too, when he looks over to Pat, “You going to try to trump him tonight?” 

“Not if you have anything to do with it, right?” Pat says. 

“Right,” Jonny says, smiles still on their faces.  
_____

The day after they beat Canada, Ian gets hurt during a game, really hurt. He’s down on the ice for 3 minutes before he gets up, Patrick later watches the video three times, putting no pressure on his right leg, at all. 

It’s one of Ian’s teammates that calls him, Miller, because Ian’s going to need surgery to realign the bone, and he forgot to tell the student manager to grab his phone before they put him in the ambulance. 

“Ah, Patrick?” a voice that is not Ian’s even though his name showed up on his caller ID says, “Patrick Kane?” 

“Who is this?” Pat says, instantly nervous.  


“I’m one of Ian’s teammates at UW, um, he got, um, he got hurt in tonight's game,” the kid sounds so nervous and it sets him even more on edge. 

“Is he okay? What happened?” The game had to of ended at least 30 minutes ago, if Ian got hurt during the game, why is he just finding this out now?

“His leg, it’s broken, he has to have surgery, I think, at least that is what coach told us after the game.” 

Pat grills the poor kid who is obviously so incredibly intimidated by talking to him, but he learns what he needs. At the end of the conversation the kid, Miller, actually tells him to win a gold medal for America. Patrick wonders why Ian chose this guy to trust. 

He gets a hold of Ian in his hotel room right before they are going to bring him to surgery. He gets to tell him that he loves him before the nurse takes the phone away. 

“He can’t talk anymore, we’re bringing him up for surgery,” a nice sounding woman says. 

“You need to call me as soon as he’s out, okay?” Patrick demands, urgency in his voice. 

“Okay, sir, just give me your number and I will make sure to call you.” 

The nurse calls 3 hours later, at 1:00 in the morning on the night before he has to play the first elimanation game in the Olympics, and Pat has never been so happy to get a phone call in his life. 

Ian’s going to be okay. His hockey career isn’t over. He can talk in the morning. He told the nurse to tell him he’s expecting Patrick to score a goal for him. 

He does.  
_____

Ian’s there, in his apartment in Chicago, when he returns from Vancouver with a silver medal in his pocket. He’s wearing one of Patrick’s Blackhawks tees and a pair of his shorts-cast white against the black material.

He makes to try to get up when he gets in, but Pat tells him to stay where he is and plops down next to him on the couch. 

“Is it selfish of me to say I’m glad you’re here?” Ian opens up his arm to invite Patrick into his side, onto his shoulder. 

“Yes,” Ian tells him, kissing him on the top of the head, “But that’s kind of who you are.” 

“How’s the leg,” Pat says putting on hand on Ian’s thigh above the cast. 

“Broken as fuck.” He can feel the goosebumps forming on Ian’s thighs beneath his fingertips. 

“You’re still my gold medal,” Pat says, “Broken leg and all.” 

Ian laughs, full bellied, making Pat bounce up and down with his body, “You’re selfish and cheesy. And you just earned a fucking Olympic medal, so stop sulking.” 

Pat kisses Ian because he doesn’t have a comeback.  
_____

Ian has to go back to Madison a few weeks later to be with his team as they make a run at the WCHA championship. His apartment has never felt so big and lonely. 

He invites Jonny over for dinner because he needs company and he shows up with beer. 

“This is the only time I’m ever going to say this,” Pat says as he opens them each a cold one, “But you’re the fucking best, man.” 

Jonny laughs his stupid laugh, “Ian texted me and said you needed beer, so it’s to his credit.” 

“Then I obviously take it back. Since when do you guys text?” 

“For awhile,” Jonny says. Pat punches him in the shoulder. “Ouch, fucker. Since the cab driver fiasco.” 

“Seriously?” 

“You think he just fucking forgave you after being such an asshole?” 

“Huh,” is all he has to say in response.  
_____

10:

Ian goes to Boston during game 3 of the Stanley Cup Final to interview for the internship he applied for. 

“If I win you the Stanley Cup, will you come to Chicago instead of Boston?” Pat says to him on the phone after the game. 

“No,” Ian says quickly. 

“Why,” Pat whines, holding out the ‘y’. 

“I’ll come to Chicago if you get me the same internship that I am going to get here, there,” Ian says. He’s hoping to get an internship with the Boston Celtics PR team since that is what he studied in school. “Plus, even if you do win the Stanley Cup, I won’t touch it.” 

“What? Seriously?” Ian probably could play hockey professionally, maybe even make his way up to the NHL after spending a few years in the AHL, but he doesn’t have the desire. His leg isn’t fully healed and he doesn’t want to put in the time to get it there. He wants to be involved in sports in a different way now. 

“Yea, can’t touch it until you win it,” says Ian.

“But you’re not even,” Pat stops because he doesn’t want to say the wrong thing. 

“I want to work in the NHL eventually, Patrick, not as a player, but part of the club. If that happens and the team I work for wins it, then I will touch it.” 

“But, we are, like, one, right?” 

“We’re two people, and we should probably stop talking about this before we fucking jinx it,” Ian says sensibly. 

“So, if I get you an internship doing the same thing in Chicago, you’ll stay here?” Pat definitely does not want to jinx it. 

“Yes,” Ian says, “I will.” 

“Consider it done, babe,” Pat tells him. “Easy peasy.”  
_____

He gets transferred 4 times, but he finally has an interview set up for Ian with the Chicago Bulls. It’s for the morning of game 5 making absolute sure Ian will be back with him for the rest of the games. 

“Are you using your name to get Ian a job in Chicago?” Jonny asks while he is still on the phone. Pat is taking care of this business right before pre-game nap time. 

“Yup,” Pat says, proud of himself. 

“Does he want you to be doing that?”  


“Yea, Jon, fuck,” Pat says, mildly annoyed. “I asked him if me winning him the Stanley Cup would make him stay in Chicago.” 

“Wow,” Jon interrupts. Pat puts his hand up to show him he’s not finished. 

“But he told me the only way he’d stay is if I got him the same job in Chi. And, he said he wouldn’t even touch the cup if we win.” 

That makes Jonny laugh, a small up and down of his shoulders. “He’s way too fucking good for you, man.” 

“Why don’t you fucking clean up after yourself, eh?” 

That only makes him laugh harder.  
_____

He’s there, in Patrick’s apartment, when he gets back from Philly. There’s boxes of his stuff in the living room, totes with Ian’s name on them and it’s the best thing Patrick’s ever seen in his apartment. Because Ian is here-to stay. 

He attacks Ian in the kitchen with kisses to his face, his neck, his ears, his forehead, his lips. 

“You’re fucking here, babe,” Pat says after he’s sufficiently kissed Ian’s face off. 

“Thanks to you,” Ian says kissing Patrick’s neck, just where he likes it. 

“Confident you’ll get the job then?” 

Ian looks him in the eye, smiling big, “The email they sent me says the interview is a formality. And to thank you for the tickets to tomorrow’s game.” 

“You’re here then,” Pat says in disbelief. 

“I’m here,” Ian assures him. 

“I’m going to win you the Stanley Cup to show you how happy I am.” 

Ian rolls his eyes, “Jonny told me that if you said you were going to win me the Stanley Cup one more time that I should tell you that you guys are winning it for Chicago.”

“Yea, yea,” Pat says pulling away from Ian’s embrace, “Let the captain think whatever he wants.” 

As he walks out of the kitchen, he starts singing “Everything I do, I do it for you” and waits for Ian to start yelling at him for his horrible singing voice. 

Instead, Ian sings back, “Look into your heart!”

Pat’s heart fucking swells.  
_____

When Jonny hugs him on the ice, amidst the chaos, he says, “We did it, Pat. We fucking won it for Chicago.” 

“You did,” Pat says back to him. “You did it for Chicago, Jonny. You’re the best captain in the league.” 

Jonny doesn’t say anything back and they pull away from each other. As they skate towards the big group, Jonny turns to him before they join the blob and says, “He’s still not going to touch it.” 

Pat hugs Burish for the 15th time instead of responding to Jonny because he hates admitting he’s right.  
_____

Out on the ice with his family, Ian poses for pictures with them but is the furthest away from the cup he can be. In the locker room, saying congrats to Jonny, who has the cup under his arm, he declines Jonny’s open arms and goes for a fist bump instead. He even refuses to say goodbye to Pat, to leave him to celebrate and catch the flight back to Chicago, until he comes out into the hallway, so there’s a wall between him and the cup. 

“I promise I’ll stop trying,” Pat says as he hugs Ian, with his parents and hordes of media looking on. 

“Noble of you, hero,” Ian tells him. 

“The cup was for Chicago,” he finally admits as they pull away. Ian smiles, big and happy. “But the goal was for you.” 

“Deal,” Ian says. He then puts his hand up to Pat’s ear like he’s telling him a secret,“I love you.”

“You too,” Pat responds loud, hoping the cameras can hear.


End file.
